"Crazy eyes"

You've seen us on the streets. You've passed us on a busy sidewalk during rush hour. You've shared an elevator with one of us. You've passed one or several of us on a dusty country road. You've seen us on your television when you come home from work, school or the unemployment office. You've shared a dance floor with one or several of us. You've read about some of our actions or deeds  in the newspapers.
You have undoubtedly seen us. You undoubtedly know of our existence. You do your very best denying the fact that we do exist. The governments and "our" society are doing their best to help you ignore our existence.
You know we are out there. Roaming the world. Living our lives. Reclaiming every second that is rightfully ours.

You have seen the light in our eyes. You have noticed the fire burning within us. You have heard our cries of freedom. You have noticed we thrive in excitement. You have noticed our impulsive behaviour. You know we are out of control. You have noticed us taking risks, chances that you would never even think of. You have heard our stories. Stories of survival. Stories of pain and grief. Stories of courage. Stories of adventure. Stories of joy and happiness. Stories of myth and legends. We are many. We have existed since the dawn of mankind.

You have seen us turn the streets into dance floors. You have seen us on the burning barricades of a riot. You have seen us establish self-sustainable villages out in the wilderness. You have seen us walking towards the sunset, travelling like nomads. You have heard our laughter in the distance. You have seen us walking out of our jobs in anger. You have seen us fight for our lives in wars and rebellions. You have seen us survive. You have seen us die. You have seen our "crazy eyes", sharp and filled with life, vivid. We have scared you, made you feel uncomfortable. We have made you feel safe.

Many have recognised us and are trying their best to resemble us. They want to be like us. They buy clothes to dress as something what they believe to be us. They buy records as they believe music is what represents what we stand for. They buy items, they consume for they believe that in that way they can become us. They buy to pretend. All the while they despise us for we do not seek recognition, we do not seek fame, we do not seek wealth. But these pretenders do.

No matter in what situation you might find us in, you know we are there. You know we exist.
We have been called or called ourselves many things. Punk rockers(or any other subcultural group). Squatters. Anarchists(or any other political ideology). Free spirits. Nomads. Travellers. Liberation fighters. Terrorists. Activists. Freaks. Outcasts. Homeless. Misunderstood. Misfits. Insane. Explorers. Adventurers. Healers. Warriors. Leaders. Scavengers. Looters. Hermits. We do not belong to any political organization or subcultural group. No way is the right way. No truth is the one truth. No moral is the correct and ethical moral.
What we truly are is as obvious as the rising sun:

We are humans.

Come join us.
There is no fee, no payments, no mortgages, no rent, no jobs,  no bosses, no obligations, no fear, no political agenda, no organizations, no rules, no laws, no morals, no religions, no bills, no taxes, no borders, no countries, no visas, no money, no demands, no consumerism, no capitalism, no racism, no government. All you need is to believe in yourself. You need to believe in your right to live your life as you see fit, but not on the expense of others. It is possible, all you have to do is to open your eyes and let go. Let go of everything that holds you down.
Let go.

Live your life.

To never walk alone.

Last weekend I was volunteering at a festival called Punk Illegal in Munkedal, Sweden. A branch of an organisation called "No one is Illegal" which is helping Illegal immigrants(or hidden refugees that has been denied permanent residence and simply can't go back to their home countries due to war or political instabilities) in Sweden. There are approx. 10-35000 illegal immigrants in Sweden and about 8 million in Europe. The festival was great and there were about 900 visitors so I'm quite sure they made a lot of money.

But this is not what i'm gonna write about today, gonna write about friendship.

When I came to that festival I hadn't seen some of my friends since march, that's three months. But it was amazing. Some friends I hadn't seen since christmas, or worse, for over a year. This is friends that I've been going through hell with, and back with a few of them.  And when I met them it was as if we'd never been separated. That's when it hit me, what real friendship is. I realised that no matter how far I'll travel, no matter for how long I will be gone, I will never walk alone.

Real friendship is that no matter how far away you are from each other, a true friend is always there, to offer a shoulder when a shoulder is needed. No matter how long it takes until you see each other again, a true friend is always welcoming. Real friendship never ends. Real friendship has no borders.
It can go months, even years, but it never goes away.
True friendship is supportive. Honest. Forgiving. Understanding. Critical. Constructive. Loyal. Respectful. Accepting. True friendship is extremely rare.
True friendship is a poke in the darkness, pulling you up when all hope seems lost. True friendship is a pat on the back, a shuffling of hair, a laughter in the distance and a smile when a smile is needed.
True friendship is not bound by alcohol. true friendship is not bound by drugs. True friendship is not bound by rules or laws. True friendship is bound by experience. By hopes and dreams.

By life.

With this I would like to give a humongous "thank you" to all my friends out there, old, new, dead, live, internet friends and future ones. Thank you all for existing(or have existed), thank you all for making life worth living, thank you all for making it all easier, thank you all for being the persons you are, thank you all for giving inspiration, hope and strength. Thank you all for putting up with my ramblings and jibberings about life and the world in general. Thank you all for making wherever you are feel like home.
I consider myself to be lucky.

Thank you.

...out of the ashes...

We're all thinking of it. Most of the time we avoid talking about it. It scares us. It reeks of doom and death. The apocalypse. Cities laid in ruins, fires from the sky, the four horsemen riding across fields drenched in blood and decaying bodies. Seas poisoned, all life on earth extinguished, eternal darkness underneath a dead sun.
War. Famine. Pestilence. Death.

We've all seen the movies. The Road. 2012. Armageddon. Jericho. 28 days/weeks later. I Am Legend. The Mad Max trilogy and so on. Not to mention all the books on the subject. Most of those stories describing the apocalypse as a violent, deadly event. But also as an event filled with hope. A new beginning. A new dawn. Out of the ashes springs new life.
Some say it will be a shift of ages, as we currently are living in the age of Pisces and are supposedly entering the age of Aquarius around 2012, although some sources say we won't do that until yet another 100-500 years. Sources vary. They all do. This shift is supposed to awaken mankind. To bring an age of light and hope. An age of peace.

As the year 2012 is drawing nearer, the apocalyptic hysteria is growing by the day. Especially the stories that tells of our impending doom. Of our species extinction. The end of human civilization. The end of all life. The end of planet earth even. But why does it have to be and ending?
Is see it as a possible new beginning for mankind. A second chance. Do I believe in the apocalypse? Oh, yes.

We can all feel it, deep inside of us. Most of us are having a hard time seeing a future, especially in this so-called society of "ours, "our" civilization. Mother Earth is being ravaged, raped, drained and destroyed for minerals that creates the base of this society of "ours". A society we don't really need for our survival. Technologies which are supposed to make our lives easier, but are in truth only making us dumber, inhuman, deforming us, removing our basic skills of survival and adaption, our natural instincts. We are loosing contact with ourselves. Especially with nature. Unemployment is sky-high in third world countries where whole populations are starving to death, western countries are not far off. Overpopulation. Food shortages. Water shortages. Oil shortages. Pollution. War. Genocides. We are a disease to ourselves. To our planet. And still we are building more than ever. Digging, scraping the earth bare of its minerals. Killing species after species, poisoning the oceans. There is no future in this. We can all see that. It's not a matter of "if", but of "when".
How will this society, this civilization of man end? Through war? Through the awesome power and wrath of mother Earth? Or will it one day just cease to function? Alien invasion? We cannot possibly know. But we all know that this society, this civilization will end one day. Nothing lasts forever.
I believe we are in the middle of it. The Apocalypse. The civilization as we know it is crumbling on it's own foundations as we speak. I don't think it will be an instant event, but long and out-drawn. Numerous series of events which are currently taking place that will eventually lead us to our civilizations inevitable end. Note that I don't say our end, but the end of "our" civilization.

I do believe that whatever happens, mankind will survive. At a price. A very high price. I don't think I have to explain what that price really is do I?
What I'm thinking of is cities. I see them as living tombs. Cities of the dead. Necropolis. In my view, the only way for survival is to get out of the cities, out to the country-side, to the forests, the fields and the hills. If and when things go bad, and it will get bad, people living in cities are among the first to suffer. There is nothing prophetical about this, with a little common sense it's not hard to see or imagine. We will need to learn how to live with nature again. Build a new world for ourselves.

I do not view the apocalypse as a frightening event. I welcome it. It is exactly what we and mother Earth need in order to survive. It is not the end. It is a new beginning. A new dawn.

It is hope.

A life worth dying for.

Not even two months to go. Less then eight weeks left til I become free to follow the wind. Free as a bird. Free to decide the cycles of my life. Free from the chains of this society. Free from obligations. Free from stereotypical behavior. Free from arrogance. Free from ignorance. Free from my old self. Free to begin a new life.

Free.

In ways I have a hard time grasping it, sometimes it's as clear as a blue sky on a hot summer day. Sometimes I bang my head against the wall, questioning my own decisions and actions. I am throwing away everything that I have been brought up to believe to be safe and security. Job, home, friends, familiar surroundings, stereotypes, subcultural belonging, things, everything. I cannot fully explain how liberating it feels. To finally be in control of my own life. To follow my dreams. My hopes. Making them come true. To live my life as I've always wanted. To travel the world. As the nomad I have always been, craving to travel the world, gaining knowledge and experience.

When I look back at my life, what I have always viewed as twenty seven years of hell, it led me to this point. In a way preparing me. Gently kicking me in the teeth, telling me to let go.
I've always been a lonewolf, more or less, always drifting from place to place. Orphanage to foster home to juvenile institution, year after year, never more than two years at one place. A few months there, a year there and some random weeks or weekends there. Always moving, never still. And always on my own. Everyone I have truly loved have been taken away from me. Grandparents. Mom. Dad. Several friends. Dead and gone. I have no real family to speak of. No connections.
For years I hated my life, questioning it, constantly asking why I had to go through all those experiences. Why it happened to me. Why? why? Why? But now I don't ask why anymore. I know why now. It led me to this. I see that now, like reading chapters in a book, like following a thread. There's a quote by Bernice Johnson Reagon which describes what I mean pretty well: 

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are."

Am I scared? Of course I'm scared. Seriously, I'm leaving familiar ground here, jumping right out of a cliff, treading on thin ice. But I'm not letting it paralyze me, I see it as a challenge. For every time we overcome a fear, we grow as person, become stronger mentally. We realize that nothing is impossible. That's why I know I can do this. Break free from this society of "ours", become a nomad, a vagabond, free to roam the world.

I've paid a high price for this. I've gone through insane changes in my life. Still am.

I remember when I decided to go to Africa, it was about a year ago, and since then I've been working towards that goal, going through severe changes, physically, mentally and spiritually. Initially I had only planned to check out the South African punk rock scene for a month or two and then head back to Scandinavia, eventually even moving back to Sweden. But then I had my mental breakdown in december 2009 and everything changed. That breakdown told me to shape up and grab a hold of myself, take charge of my own life and follow my dreams. So here I am, planning to travel the world as cheaply as possible. I have no idea what awaits me and i'm leaving with an open mind. Will I move back to Scandinavia? Maybe, not this year though, perhaps not even in ten years. My dream is to travel as much as I can, to live life as fulfilling as I possibly can, to become happy. And who knows? One day I might find that "magical" place where I want to settle down. Where I can feel like home. I know I will. I've opened my mind to my surroundings, noticing all the people around me. I have let go of my stereotypical beliefs and narrow-minded views on the world. I've let go of all the hate I carried inside of me. I've let go of all my material belongings, except for what I can fit into a backpack. I have gone through what can be called a "cleansing".
In order to start anew, I must kill myself, my old way of life, and I have. I suppose most of you have heard Ozzy Osbourne singing the phrase: "Killing yourself to live"? He's not singing about suicide, he's singing about creating a new way of life, of breaking free, giving yourself a new chance to live life as life is meant to live. A cleansing.
And since I decided to start anew, i have met and come in contact with several people who are about to, who are or who have followed their own dreams, reclaimed their lives. Helping me gain insight and understanding of my own situation. Making me realise that I'm not alone on this. There are hundreds, if not thousands of us out there. Waking up and taking back control of our own lives.

Things are finally going my way. A few years back I had to kick down, or smash through one door at a time in order to get somewhere, since every door in front of me was firmly locked. But now I stand at a crossroads, with several doors wide open, all of them screaming at me to enter them.

A few years ago I feared the future, in fact, I saw no future at all.
I saw only darkness.
But now I see a future vibrant with possibilities. I look towards the future with hope, with great anticipation and with excitement. It might not make me rich and wealthy in the sense of money, but it will for sure give me the experience of a lifetime.

A life worth dying for!

A moment of thought.

Turn off your TV. Switch off your computer. Pull out the plug even. Put down your beer. Just for a few minutes. I ask of you a moment of thought.
Especially now in the wake of the Israeli attack on the ship Mavi Marmara and the ongoing propaganda war from the Israeli government. Think about what's happening. Not just now.
But what has been happening for years. For lifetimes. Palestinians murdered on a daily basis, imprisoned, searched, forced from their homes, the list goes on and on and on.
Today I just want to share a thought of all the lives around the world that is violently ended every day. Not just in Palestine. But also in every part of the world where there is an ongoing conflict or hidden genocides.

Afghanistan, Iraq, India, Pakistan, Thailand, Sri Lanka and the Tamil, Mexico, South Africa(no conflict here but more or less 18000 murders a year and around 3000+ farmers murdered since 1994), The Democratic Republic of the Congo, Sudan, Somalia, Burma, Nigeria, Philippines, Angola, Indonesia, Turkey and Kurdistan, Ethiopia, Colombia, Chad, Russia, Tibet, Uganda, Morocco and Western Sahara to count a few.

I do not meant o be respectful in any way towards the Palestinians and their fight for freedom. But where are the voices for all those other conflicts? Who tells the world about all those other hidden genocides? The unlawful Israeli occupation of Palestine is an easily purchased cause, again I mean no disrespect, but the rest of the world is forgotten. It sure does seem like it.

Where are the demonstrations to stop mining for Coltan in The Democratic Republic of the Congo? Coltan is a mineral which is used for computers, cellphones and videogame consoles etc. All those things that we "need". People die for that luxury, by the thousands every year. Anyone know the real reason for the war in the Congo? Anyone even know that there is a war going on there? Take a look at this.
People die everyday for our "needs". Yes, that includes the Ipod. Almost 7 million dead all in all.

Where are the demonstrations to stop the hidden genocide of white and coloured farmers in South Africa? Yes, there was one in Sweden a while ago by right wing extremists, neo-nazis, and that stinks! It stinks because they manage to show the problem in the wrong light, turning it into propaganda for themselves and their sick ideology. And the 18000 murders per year speaks for itself.

And where are the voices for Western Sahara?

And what about the Tamils in Sri Lanka? Yes, there where some demonstrations in Oslo about a year ago, but only the tamils living in exile demonstrated or tried to make their voices heard. Recently the Sri Lankan government more or less eradicated the tamil tigers from the face of the earth. Atleast from Sri Lanka.

There are ongoing conflicts all over the world and we know of but a handful of them.
But what scares me the most is that in 9 out of 10 times we have no idea of what caused the conflict in the first place. I'll give you a hint: Corporate interests! Profit! Not just oil. But Coltan, as mentioned above, and other minerals, diamonds, weapons(new weapons gotta be tested and used, right?), drugs, cattle farms for fast-food restaurants(Yes, one of the reasons to why the Amazon forest is disappearing) etc.

A moment of thought.

For all the lives that is lost for "our" comfort.

Thank you.