"I have a dream...Save the Black Pearl!"

I have a dream. And an idea. Not sure if it will work, but i'm gonna try and I need your help for it to work.

Thing is; me and my girlfriend bought ourselvers a van like six months ago. An old camper van from 1980 so it's tax free (atleast in Sweden), it was a bit worn out but we patched it up good. Even bought it a new pair of tyres. We found out that one of the previous owners had named her "The Black Pearl", or "Svarta Pärlan" in swedish. We've kept that name. So far everything was great. I've been dreaming about having a van for years and so have my girlfriend. I even managed to take my driving license after we bought the Pearl. We  painted her (yes, we call the van "her") on the inside and made great plans of where to go, what do to.

So one beautiful october morning, about a week after I got my driving license, I decided to take the Pearl out for a ride for about a week, to see what it would be like. I had a great week, met lots of old friends and slept like a baby in the back. We had found a bed-frame, that fit perfectly inside the van, at a freeshop in the village where we currently live.

One thing I discovered during this week was that the Pearl is a heavy drinker. She drinks gasoline like a drunk drinks free beer on judgement day. Seriously, i'm not joking. This insight is a major setback for us.
Gasoline in Europe is insanely expensive at the moment and we're not gonna last long on the road the way the Pearl handles her gasoline today. What we could do though, is to switch out her 34 year old engine for a newer one that drinks less gasoline. Preferrably one that slurps diesel as it is more energy-efficient and thus lasts longer. Now we come to the real issue: money. There is none to be had and it costs a lot of money to switch engine. I'm a student at the moment, gonna study the upcoming six months to become a writer. I do know how to write, I just need to get some more weight and confidence under my belt since I would want to make a living out of it in the future. Plus I get to stay at home since it's a distance course. Anyway, I do not get much cash from this and my girlfriend is unemployed at the moment. It's quite difficult to get a job in Sweden these days. I'm sure you understand where i'm getting at, don't you? Please stay, and hear me out.

We were planning to live in the bus and travel for a very, very long time. Going from place to place, selling stuff we've made so we could get money for gas and go to the next place and so on until we find a place where we could settle down for good. The van is perfect, we've spent a lot of money already to patch her up to her current state.

The Black Pearl chilling in front of the place where we lived during the summer of 2013.

Now we've arrived to what I really want. We need help to raise enough money so we could switch engine. I know most of you will frown upon this, but i'm really desperate. The other option would be to let her go, sell her, but then we'd lose everything we've worked so hard for, our dreams. I need help, feedback on what we could do in exchange for your possible contribution. There are many people out there, travelling for what it's worth, making money through charity and fundraising-sites. Only they've stolen the best ideas. Or have they?

I'm not asking for much. Anything would help. Be it 5 cent or a million dollars/euros it would be great. But i'd be willing do something fun in return. To give something back. Like a challenge: "plant a tree in every tenth city you go through" or home-made bracelets or whatever. Perhaps even come by your house and help with your garden or clean or whatever if it's on the way. Our current plans is to get to Spain in may/june. If you have any great ideas on what we could do, please tell us.

If you would like to help us, it would be amazing. If so, please check out this website: (It's called "Save the Black Pearl")  http://www.gofundme.com/black-pearl

Many thanks in advance //
Mattias

The wheel of life.

So, I made it across the thirty-year-mark.
Nothing special one might think. But ten years ago I didn't believe I'd live this long, mostly due to the life I was living and what was happening to several friends of mine at the time. Suicides and dead end depression with no hope in sight. Five years ago I was on the brink of committing suicide, I couldn't even see a future for myself six months ahead. I hated life and I hated myself.

Of course all that have changed.
My perspective on life has gone through an overhaul of epic proportions.

Today I'm quite happy and I look forward to getting older. Getting older means, for me today, gaining more experience, more adventures, more possibilities and opportunities. I have this dream of me being an old man, sitting next to a fire in the woods somewhere, telling my grandchildren stories of my adventures and mishappenings. That's what i'm living for today. To gain a lifetime of stories, to gain a lifetime of knowledge and wisdom so that when my time is due, I can drift off into the eternal sleep with peace in my heart and a wide smile on my face.

There is so much to do. There is so much to see. There is so much to hear. There is so much to feel. There is so much to experience. Although I'll probably not be able to embrace everything this world has to offer, I'm satisfied to know that I atleast have the insight and belief that one's whole life is a neverending journey, both external and internal.

And no, it does not matter to me anymore that misfortunes occur, or that I sometimes slip into a depression. For these days I'm well aware of the fact that it'll pass, one way or another. It always does. If misfortunes and tragic events didn't happen, one would never be able to know what happiness really is.

It's all part of the wheel of life.

And thus it begins.

Oh my, oh my. Where should I begin, blog?

Remember in february, when I wrote about feeling like I was being stuck in a sea of tar, just waiting to "pop", for everything to go "swoosh"? Well. The "swoosh" is here. I've finally popped. And i'm racing in three hundred kilometres a minute towards life at the moment.

In the past month I've moved to a new place, to a friends house, got accepted to a school up in northern sweden and recently experienced something truly magical. I don't know how to put my feelings in writing at the moment, but it's something like being hit with a sledgehammer and lightning at the same time, while thunderous rain is pounding my body and the moon is smiling bright and powerful above me although it could not possibly be there due to the heavy rain and while I stand there trying to regain my balance a  pickup truck made of rainbows hits me head on and I end up on the back of it as it drives full speed towards the horizon. Yup, something like that.

It's like when things start to go "swoosh", it all goes "swoosh" at the same time. While i'm quite happy about moving to my friends house, I get accepted to a school(the one where I get to live in the woods, grow my own food and stuff) i've been drooling about for quite some time and later I meet something I didn't really think I would meet. Or is it someone? I suppose time will tell and nothing is written in stone so therefore I will not mention any names or any possible outcomes or hopes I might have about this meeting. Only that the experience of that particular meeting has left me somewhat numbstruck. To put it mildly. Something truly beautiful could be in the making here. The only thing I will share with you, blog(I need to get something out of my chest, don't I?), is that this meeting, or she, is definitely within my span of attention. Oh, those eyes, those eyes. I tell you, blog. If I never understood the meaning of mesmerizing before, I sure do now.

What will be, will be.

I'm not complaining here, life is giving me all it's got at the moment and I love it! I really do, this is how life should be and how it can be if we only work for our dreams, follow that gut feeling that tells us to go out of the way for something. That nagging feeling in the back of our heads that whisper in our ears that the grass is indeed greener on the other side of that distant hill.

Yes, what will be, will be.

A letter from the front.

Hello blog.

How's it hanging? 
Everything good on your side of life? Please, tell me something that'll make my day. Make me smile.

What can I tell you, old friend? Sorry for not being so responsive as I sometimes wish I could've been. Life for me is going so-so at the moment. The sun can't shine all the time, right? Atleast I might be heading somewhere, instead of sitting around just for the sake of being in love with someone who isn't really healthy to be in love with in the first place. Well, things aren't really bad either. We can say that i'm recovering, but it's taking it's own jolly little time.

I finally sent those applications to them schools in the forests up north here in Sweden. Hopefully one of them will accept me so I can live in the forest for a year, learning how to grow my own food properly, how to maintain life on a small farm and such. Been around this city for far too long and even though I have some friends around here I just can't stand all the drama, the frenzy for alcohol every weekend, the stress, the fucked up state of mind that this society has brought up. I'm not gonna complain anymore about people or cities in this letter, been doing it quite alot to you, blog, and I feel that you deseve some happiness, some love from me. My old friend. You deserve to know that everything isn't despair and maddened tears of doom.

I'm taking steps towards my own so-called transformation, my big move out of this endless loop of, in my opinion, faulty situations. Or so I like to think anyways. I'm studying gardening and landscaping here in Gothenburg as a part of the journey. And I love it. I love digging in the earth, getting to know plants, flowers, bushes, trees and their names. Or the names that we, puny humans, have given them. I love going to school every day, seeing the faces of my schoolmates, hearing their voices as we make plans and dream of the future, of a different world where everything is more green and there is hope for a change in the world. I love the smell of the somewhat fresh air(which is ofcourse mixed with exhaust fumes and wet concrete) I feel every morning, I love feeling the morning dew clinging like spider web on my skin(Haha, not sure how to explain that feeling really, but you know what I mean). This education means hope to me. It means a possible positive future. It makes me dream. It makes me feel alive again. It gives me purpose and a sense of direction.  It gives me the confirmation I crave, that I need, that life is more than the endless grind of drama, broken hearts, alcohol, broken lives and dreams. Proof that one can actually do some good in this world.

Yes, one could say that the sun is starting to come out.  Only wish that I could learn not to fall for the wrong women, haha.

Well, blog, I guess this is it for this time. I'll get back to you in a few days or so, when I've found the time between my studies and those moments where I'm mind-gobbling myself to bits about life and how to live it. I really have to get my ass going to school. 

Yours sincerely 

Mattias
"Maitiú mac Faolchú"