A letter from the front.

Hello blog.

How's it hanging? 
Everything good on your side of life? Please, tell me something that'll make my day. Make me smile.

What can I tell you, old friend? Sorry for not being so responsive as I sometimes wish I could've been. Life for me is going so-so at the moment. The sun can't shine all the time, right? Atleast I might be heading somewhere, instead of sitting around just for the sake of being in love with someone who isn't really healthy to be in love with in the first place. Well, things aren't really bad either. We can say that i'm recovering, but it's taking it's own jolly little time.

I finally sent those applications to them schools in the forests up north here in Sweden. Hopefully one of them will accept me so I can live in the forest for a year, learning how to grow my own food properly, how to maintain life on a small farm and such. Been around this city for far too long and even though I have some friends around here I just can't stand all the drama, the frenzy for alcohol every weekend, the stress, the fucked up state of mind that this society has brought up. I'm not gonna complain anymore about people or cities in this letter, been doing it quite alot to you, blog, and I feel that you deseve some happiness, some love from me. My old friend. You deserve to know that everything isn't despair and maddened tears of doom.

I'm taking steps towards my own so-called transformation, my big move out of this endless loop of, in my opinion, faulty situations. Or so I like to think anyways. I'm studying gardening and landscaping here in Gothenburg as a part of the journey. And I love it. I love digging in the earth, getting to know plants, flowers, bushes, trees and their names. Or the names that we, puny humans, have given them. I love going to school every day, seeing the faces of my schoolmates, hearing their voices as we make plans and dream of the future, of a different world where everything is more green and there is hope for a change in the world. I love the smell of the somewhat fresh air(which is ofcourse mixed with exhaust fumes and wet concrete) I feel every morning, I love feeling the morning dew clinging like spider web on my skin(Haha, not sure how to explain that feeling really, but you know what I mean). This education means hope to me. It means a possible positive future. It makes me dream. It makes me feel alive again. It gives me purpose and a sense of direction.  It gives me the confirmation I crave, that I need, that life is more than the endless grind of drama, broken hearts, alcohol, broken lives and dreams. Proof that one can actually do some good in this world.

Yes, one could say that the sun is starting to come out.  Only wish that I could learn not to fall for the wrong women, haha.

Well, blog, I guess this is it for this time. I'll get back to you in a few days or so, when I've found the time between my studies and those moments where I'm mind-gobbling myself to bits about life and how to live it. I really have to get my ass going to school. 

Yours sincerely 

Mattias
"Maitiú mac Faolchú" 

IN MEMORIAM

Photo taken of "Tent" in the desert outside Swakopmund, Namibia. November 2010.

In loving memory of "Tent".

Purchased in Durban, South Africa, september 2010 - Lost/stolen in Krakow, Poland, july 28th 2012

We ventured far together, my friend. Through twenty countries we marched, we hitchhiked, we rode buses, we rode trains, we slept in forests, we slept in deserts, we slept on plains, we slept close to borders, we slept on mountains, we slept on slopes, we slept in rain, we  slept underneath a scorching sun, we sweated, we froze, we spilled blood, we got angry, we cursed the world, we loved, we laughed, we became wet, we waited, we ran, we made friends and we travelled together. We lived together. We were one.

South Africa           Namibia
Botswana                Zimbabwe
Zambia                    Malawi
Tanzania                  Kenya
Sweden                    Denmark
Germany                  Czech Republic
Austria                     Italy
Slovenia                   Croatia
Bosnia                      Hungary
Slovakia                   Poland

Many a time you watched my back, as I watched yours. Many a time you took care of me when noone else would. You were my portable home, my access to the wild, my comfort in the night.

Inside of you the horrors of the night could not reach me. Inside of you there was only me and you. Inside of you it felt like  the whole outside world vanished as you took me in your welcoming embrace.

I was always true to you, as you were true to me. Never once did I look upon another tent with desire in my heart, as you never looked upon another traveler with desire in your heart. You never lied to me, as I never lied to you. You treated me with respect, as I  treated you with respect. We had no secrets, we shared our time together and life was ours. If you would've been a woman, you would've been the love of my life. 

You weren't perfect, inside of you I had to sleep diagonally, since you were a wee bit too  small. A manufacturing error I presume. But never once did I complain. You were perfect for me, you suited my needs like a hand in a glove. I loved you like I've loved noone else. Close to the perfect relationship, if such a thing really exists.

"Tent" chilling with dogs. Nkhata bay, Malawi. February, 2011.

You endured my silly jokes in the dark, my ramblings and mumblings as I turned and twisted inside you. I used you hard, I used you rough and never once did you complain. Not even in Slovakia, when I noticed that one of your zippers was starting to let go and some of your seams were starting to fall off. You were starting to fall apart, but still you stood  strong, you endured and cared for me.

You were patient, loving, gentle, caring, trusting, brave, adventurous, understanding. You were always there for me when I needed you and you never demanded nothing of me except my love and usage of you.

Whether you were stolen or I, for some magical reason, managed to forget you somewhere, it is apparent that our time together has come to an end. Things happen for a reason and I can only hope, deep inside my heart, that you now take care of someone else who need you as much as I did. Or even more. Or, if you have been dumped in a trashcan somewhere in Krakow or ended up on a pile outside of the city, I can only hope that you rest in peace. May the afterlife treat you well.

You will always have a special place in my heart. Even though I will get a new tent eventually,  it will never be the same. You have been number one and will always be number one to me. I will tell my future tent stories about you, how we lived, how we travelled, what we experienced together. 

"Tent" camping in Skåne, Sweden. July/August 2011.

You will not be forgotten. I miss you.

I love you, "Tent", always will.

Yours forever

Mattias

PS "Backpack" sends its love.