Up and up we go.

There. Finally. I'm climbing upwards again after having had some sort of a mental recession during the summer. The sun can't shine all the time, nor can it rain all the time either. Plans are being made and ideas are taking form once more. Not sure what it was really that made me feel so low for a while, wether it was the experience of coming back to a world where mostly everyone is trying their damdest to pretend to live lives which are fake, but sure as hell looks good from the outside, or perhaps the feeling of letting myself down on my dreams and self-imposed expectations or the realization that I really don't fit anymore. I went to a couple of punk-shows, had a few drunken nights and it wasn't fun. Not one bit. Becoming shitfaced every weekend pretending that i'm doing a difference or are any different from all the other lemmings out there is not my cup of tea. No thanks. Sure, people can do as they please with their own lives, but I do not wish to be dragged down into the bottomless pit of bullshit, negativity and self-deception.
 Did some studying, was fun for a while although it generated a wee bit more stress in my life than I actually needed, and since I do not have any dreams of becoming a doctor or a big boss somewhere I simply quit a while ago. To be honest, it was mostly for the free cash and the possibility of more spare time that enticed me, not the possibilty of having better grades on a fancy paper with my name on it. I suppose I fooled myself since I did not get any more spare time, but I did have fun for a bit. I've even quit eating my anti-depressives, I threw them in the dustbin of doom about a month ago. And guess what? I feel fucking great. I do not believe in the fact that dining on pills for the rest of our lives can or could make our lives happier or healthier. Quite the opposite. That crap is designed to make us dependant and addicted to them, same with alcohol and ciggarettes.

What now then? Well. I'm going back to my old job to raise some money so I can head off again. Canada looms in the distance. Of all the solutions and possibilities i've been twisting my mind with, travelling is the one that tickles my heart the most. I've got nothing to gain by sitting idle and waiting for something better to come along, as a lot of people out there do, i'd rather grab it myself while I still have the chance. Hopping on the fun-wagon, the crazy-train bound for nowhere in particular. There's a whole world out there and all the things I wish to learn I can learn out there(or anywhere), for free and with a big smile on my face while screaming my lungs out, lauging like a maniac at life.

Sure, coming back hasn't been all piss and misery, i've met several amazing people whom I wouldn't have met if I hadn't come back and I have ofcourse learned a thing or two as well during my stay. Meeting good-hearted friends is always warming, it's nurturing the soul and it's always nice to know that no matter where you go, or how far it may between your meetings, true friends never really disappear.
I've had my fun(and lowtime) here for a while but now it's time to head out again. I've had my lessons, my impressions, my depression and have made some decisions. We live only once and I cannot for the love of any god understand why I should sit here, dreaming my life away while hearing about other people's broken dreams, when I could be out there myself, especially since I don't have anything that stops me. I've had my fun, my boredom, my false sense of security, my job, my studies for some time and now it's time to drop it all again. Jump off the cliff, because the cliff has been choking me and I really, really want to live.
I do not regret coming back as I believe that everything happens for a reason and a lot of great and fun things has happened to me since I came back and, like I wrote above, i've met several people that I am truly grateful for having met.

To be honest, I never really came back. It's not possible, I think, once you leave. Especially since I realize myself how much I've actually changed since I left for Africa in august last year. But coming "back" has been a lesson I needed to have, experiences, talks and ideas I needed to share.
For that I am happy I came "back".